After writing a lot of stories about people going into dark forests, I decided I needed to stop doing that for a while.
But then this week’s Mondays Finish the Story pulled me back in, so I present to you a story about someone going into a dark forest.
Word Count: 149
© 2015, Barbara W. Beacham
Not knowing what to expect, he made his way into the dark of the forest. It wasn’t the normal sort of dark. It was a pitch blackness that enveloped everything save for the vague outlines of trees. He wandered in the shadows, hearing leaves rustle under his feet and feeling branches gently scratch at his arms.
There were no sounds of other animals. The forest seemed to be empty.
Then he heard the soft crunch of boots on undergrowth. He stopped, turning around and around in the endless void, trying to find the source of the noise.
When he was done looking, he couldn’t remember which way he’d been facing. He felt out with his hands.
Cold ice met his touch, biting his fingers with bitter cold. He yanked them back, fast as he could.
He reached out in other directions, searching for the familiar sensation of rough leaves. There was only ice as far as he could touch, a shell of endless cold.
Creepy! I like it.
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Thank you!
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I mostly like it, apart from this bit “It wasn’t the normal sort of dark. It was a pitch blackness that enveloped everything save for the vague outlines of trees.” Honestly, that sounds a lot like normal darkness to me. It’s kind of a cliche by now to say something isn’t like normal dark, it could do with more detail here. Rather than saying what the dark was, how about comparing it to something else, like “Not the warm and comfortable dark of being wrapped up in bed, but the freezing, endless dark of a yawning chasm”.
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Thanks for the feedback. I agree that it was a little lazy and I’m definitely considering revising it. I write most of these challenges fairly quickly, so I often don’t do as much editing and critical thinking as I put into a longer short story or a novel. Having occasional lazy descriptions is a sad side effects of that.
Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I always value constructive criticism.
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I loved how you engaged me in this. At one point I thought he was stuck in a freezer…..great intrigue you have created…
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Thank you!
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I hate when that happens, you turn round and you can’t remember where you started from before. Did the ice queen show up in the forest?
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Somehow this got marked as spam and I only just saw it. Sorry for that and thanks for commenting and reading! An ice queen’s certainly a possibility. I focused more on the emotion of the character and capturing the dreamlike, terrified state he was in rather than on what was actually happening. I think the unknown is usually more frightening.
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He should have turned left at the large oak? Enjoyed!
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Thank you!
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One creepy story followed by another – the creepy on the previous on this week’s list. Nicely done JA! Thank you for participating in the Mondays Finish the Story challenge. I appreciate your contribution. Be well… ^..^
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Thank you! It’s October, so I guess creepy stories are to be expected.
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Give me one more! Stay tuned for the Monday challenge.
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