Flash Fiction- Keeping Up with the Trends

Posted: December 17, 2015 by J.A. Prentice in Flash Fiction, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Immortality. Unnatural beauty. Unimaginable wealth. It all sounds rather… snazzy, right?

Unfortunately, there are one or two downsides to being a vampire. And I’m not talking about the sunlight thing or having to drink blood. You get used to those pretty fast. And as for crucifixes and garlic, you have to cancel any dream vacations to Rome, but you can live with that.

The big problem is trying to stay in style.

See, I was a pretty fashionable man when I was first turned. I think it was somewhere around 1450, but my memory’s pretty hazy that far back. I knew all the best tailors. I had the most exotic silks shipped in from Italy and the Orient and made sure they were cut into the most stylish clothes. I turned a lot of heads at parties.

That’s just part of being a vampire. People expect you to be incredibly elegant, handsome, and charming. Charming and handsome came naturally to me. Elegance is a bit harder.

The problem with fashions is that they change. One minute, everyone’s into doublets, the next they’re all going on about these new suits. I couldn’t see the appeal, of course, but one has to keep up appearances.

And then they decide they like suits better with another cut and I have to throw out all of mine and get new ones. It seems like you buy something and a decade later, it’s useless.

Don’t get me started on the slang. It’s hip to say hip, then it makes you sound like the biggest square.

Only people don’t say square anymore, do they? It’s all lol and btw and bae now. How’s a vampire supposed to keep track of it? I’m trying to look like a cool twenty-something, but it’s hard to keep up that appearance when you only understand every other word people are saying.

Dracula is always telling me not to try so hard.

“Timeless elegance,” he says in that thick, Transylvanian accent of his. “That is what I have. That is what you could have too, my boy.”

I think I understand what he’s saying, but truthfully, I’m not sure I have the gravitas to pull off the “dark castle” thing. I’m more of the cool, attractive vampire.

So, really, what I’m asking is… Could you help me decipher these texts this girl I met at the club sent me last night? Honestly, they’re just strings of letters and pictures.

What does “Netflix and chill” even mean? And is this little yellow face… winking?

You know, sometimes I think Dracula’s probably right.


 

This is part of Vampire Week, a week-long celebration of bloodsucking monsters. This is being held to promote my friend and fellow blogger Jaden C. Kilmer’s vampire YA novella, REVENANT, which is available on Amazon now for $1.50. It’s also free for Kindle Unlimited users.

US store UK store

 

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Comments
  1. I love this! ❤ I love this! ❤ I love this! ❤ I just can't stop smiling and giggling throughout the entire read!

    Liked by 1 person

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