Winter’s Tale may be the worst written movie of all time

Posted: March 25, 2016 by Jaden C. Kilmer in Article
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

winters-tale-movie

What do you get when you take a book that sounds like a rejected Neil Gaiman manuscript and adapt it into a movie that’s written by the man who wrote Batman and Robin? You get Winter’s Tale. But more importantly, you get what may be the worst written movie of all time. You don’t need to watch it to appreciate its horrendous script. Just read these actual lines from the movie:

(opening lines)

What if, once upon a time, there were no stars in the sky at all? What if the stars are not what we think? What if the light from afar doesn’t come from the rays of distant suns, but from our wings as we turn into angels? Destiny calls to each of us. And there is a world behind the world where we are all connected, all part of a great and moving plan. Magic is everywhere around us. You just have to look. Look. Look closely. For even time and distance are not what they appear to be.

…what??

When true love is lost, life can bleed of all meaning. We are left blank. But the possibility of destiny remains. What we are meant for may yet be discovered. And once in a very long while, that journey to find our destiny may defeat even time itself.

Oh god.

I’ll tell you something that should chill your blood. No matter how far we tip the scales our way, no matter how many of them we turn dark, nothin’ seems to break their capacity for hope. They pass it back and forth like the flu at a preschool fair. We’re losing, Lucifer. One bright star at a time, we’re losing.

Uh…

You see Beverly Penn, in my line, it’s the ripples that give the work meaning. Ideas, they can do more good than harm. And that would be the opposite of the plan, you see.

No. No I don’t see.

(last lines)

No life is more important than another. And nothing has been without purpose. Nothing. What if we are all part of a great pattern that we may someday understand? And one day, when we have done what we alone are capable of doing, we get to rise up and reunite with those we have loved the most, forever embraced. What if we get to become… stars.

On the other hand, maybe I’ve been looking at the movie all wrong. Maybe it’s actually a satire. In that case, it’s brilliant. 10/10 would watch again.

 

 

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Comments
  1. inkbiotic says:

    😀 Sounds like they were trying really hard to be deep, well done for sitting through it and thanks for sharing some brilliantly awful lines.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jenn says:

    Ugh, overwritten. I’ve never heard of this movie anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

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