FFftPP – The Lonely Motel

Posted: May 25, 2016 by J.A. Prentice in Flash Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Darkness weighed down on the little car as it came to a stop under the ancient sign. In his office, the bent old man looked up and smiled.

“Visitors,” he whispered. “At last.”

The bell rang and they entered, hand-in-hand. Newlyweds, he decided. They all had that look.

“Welcome!” he said, limping across the room towards them. “Welcome. It has been so long since there have been any guests here… So very long.”

Riiight.” The husband looked around. “So you have rooms, then?”

“Yes. We have rooms. But first… we must have dinner. We are friends now, aren’t we?”

“Um…” The husband looked at his wife.

“I’ll be right back,” the old man said. “I have to go get something.”

He cackled as he limped from the room, rubbing his hand together.

The wife looked at her husband.

“I am not staying here, honey. This is sort of place where people get murdered.”

He hesitated, then nodded. “All right. If you think it’s best.”

“I do. Now let’s go before he cooks us into pies.”

When the old man came back in, they were long gone. He looked sadly at the plate in his hands.

“And they never even got to try my cookies.”

Word Count: 198

This is my entry for this week’s Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Thanks to rogershipp for running the challenge. Picture from pixabay.com.

  1. Lynn Love says:

    Haha! Great. Love the way you played with stereotypes, leading us and the visitors one way, while the poor old chap is fetching fresh cookies and just wants company. Lovely take on the prompt – well done

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaha! I felt the same way as the wife did. Poor old man. You did a wonderful job in leading me to believe that the old man is up to no good.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jademwong says:

    Awww…love the way you set up the story to make the reader believe that there was danger. Poor old man…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. mandibelle16 says:

    Well it seems like the old guy just wanted company and to share his cookies.No harm there but it had a Bates Motel feel to it so the couple got scared. Who knows? Maybe the old man poisoned the cookies?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Graham Lawrence says:

    Why worry about pies when you can eat cookies! Lovely story playing with us gently.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The Voice says:

    I almost went in this direction myself, but decided to go straight through to the horror. Nice setup and delivery of the punch line. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This makes you feel sorry for the old man.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. swritings says:

    Haha! I would never have guessed! Great read! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. luckyjc007 says:

    Clever way of making the reader think something strange or dangerous is about to happen! Poor old guy, too bad he did not mention his cookies before he walked away. I wonder what kind they were….just wondering 🙂 .

    Liked by 1 person

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