PSA: Please stop calling things “plot holes” when they’re f@#$%ing not.

Hi. I liked The Last Jedi. If you did not like The Last Jedi, that's cool. It's got its issues. There's issues with pacing and scenes that don't need as much screentime, and I'm undecided about the character of Rose and that, uh, thing she does to Finn which made him angry. I'm not gonna stand here and tell you...

The Last Jedi is Smarter than You

The Last Jedi is a movie that does not particularly care if you like it or not. While The Force Awakens trod on eggshells and avoided saying anything for fear of upsetting its viewer, giving them instead a fairly uninspired retread of all the Star Wars favorites, The Last Jedi is bold, artistic, and unpredictable....

Art Therapy

"Draw what you feel," the Dark Counselor had told him during his Dark Counseling sessions. So TK-910 picked up his brush and painted, drawing his desires streak by streak until he stepped back and looked at a terrified Luke Skywalker, caught right in his crosshairs, unable to escape. And this time, TK-910 wouldn't miss. This is...

The Internet Can’t Decide if Rogue One is the Best or Worst Thing Ever

If you ask me, Disney's Star Wars Episode III.5, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is awful. It's a cynical and lazy epitomization of all that's wrong with movie franchises these days. It's the second worst movie of the year. If you ask J.A., Disney's Star Wars Episode III.5, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is a very good...

Rogue One is a less enjoyable experience than eating an above-average burrito

When I went to go see Rogue One: A Star Wars Story last Saturday, I went in full of hope and an empty stomach. My burrito which I got on my lunch break at work and did not have time to unwrap, was left in the back seat of my car for a late night snack. Somewhere...

5 Star Wars Stories I Want to Read (Or Write)

Star Wars Week isn't over yet. Also, Lucasfilm can consider this a pitch if they'd like to pay me to write these for them. Or I guess they can just steal them and not pay me, but I like the first way a lot better. Also, yes, most of these are in old Expanded Universe...

The Worst Thing in the History of Everything Ever – Reviewing Attack of the Clones

I'm borrowing I Hate Everything's tagline here because there isn't a more eloquent way to put it. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is the worst thing in the history of everything ever. George Lucas had two years to revise the things that went wrong in The Phantom Menace and learn from the criticism it got to...

In Defense of The Phantom Menace

  The 1999 release of The Phantom Menace has got to be one of the weirder events in cinema history. A full two decades after the release of Star Wars, the OG blockbuster franchise returned to expand its universe and tell the story of one of the most iconic villains in all of movies. It was perhaps...

REVIEW: Star Wars Episode VI: Okay, This One Actually has Some Flaws (AKA Return of the Jedi)

And now, the insane analysis and gushing must come to a halt as I must actually do a reviewer's job and review. Star Wars and Empire are incredible movies. Return of the Jedi is very, very good. I love it. But it isn't perfect. I'm going to lay out some of it's pros and cons...

REVIEW: Star Wars Episode V: The Best One (AKA The Empire Strikes Back)

All right, everybody strap in for the second installment of Star Wars Week here on LAS, building up to the release of Rogue One. This time, it's another rambling essay posing as a review by yours truly. There are spoilers, obviously, so if you don't know who Darth Vader is, stop reading now. Star Wars...